Sunday, April 29, 2007

On Parenting

...from a a talk by a Buddhist nun...

Your child is not your property
Your child is not here to fulfil your expectations
Your child is not here to live out your hopes and dreams

Your child is not an extension of yourself
But an individual in his own right
Heir of its own karma
and that's what he brings with him to this life

Don't resent your children for not fulfilling your expectations
They were born from our bodies but they don't belong to us
Our jobs are to give them a nesting place
while they can't care for themselves
Conflict is to be expected

We tend to resent those who don't fulfil our expectations
Many causes and conditions affect parent-child relationship
which are outside our control
Our children are not under our control

Pema Chodron, another Buddhist nun, on control and fear:

"We have so much fear of not being in control, of not being able to hold on to things. Yet the true nature of things is that you're never in control. You're never in control. You can never hold on to anything. That's the nature of how things are. But it's almost like it's in the genes of being born human that you can't accept that. You can buy it intellectually, but moment to moment it brings up a lot of panic and fear. So my own path has been training to relax with groundlessness and the panic that accompanies it. That seems to be the essence of the teachings, to stay in the space of uncertainty without trying to reconstruct a reference point."


Pequete said...

Wise words...
Noticed you're reading Gatto's Dumbing us Down. I loved that book. Would give anything to be at those award events where he gave those speeches for the first time and watch the faces of the attendants!

Tibetan Star said...

Hi Pequete!
I've noticed you haven't blogged for some time ;-)